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Post by Matthew Jerrolds on Nov 4, 2006 20:14:16 GMT -5
((I have some muse and inspiration for Matt right now... I'm working on catching up elsewhere. I'm just stressed and being pulled in so many different directions, and I should probably be doing my project right now, but whatever.))
Matt wasn't sure where his feet were taking him, he just knew that they were. He had just left the hospital wing after hearing that Lioano had been attacked. His eyes were dark, blank, empty. There was nothing that seemed to even register in his mind except for one thought: They're dead. His step-sister was dead, brutally murdered by the Death Eaters. Sure, they'd had their differences, but he would never wish her dead. He'd had to send the owl back home to tell their parents, and his hands had shook with each letter he wrote.
But Natalie hadn't been his only loss. Felicia. His no-strings-attached love was dead. She'd been killed the same night in a very similar way. It had been a double blow, and he'd found himself flying down the hallways. He wasn't sure where he was anymore, but soon he found himself collapsing against a wall in a corner in a room. He couldn't tell anyone where it was, though. He pulled his knees up to his chest, resting his head on his arms. He rocked back and forth for a while, finding it much easier to simply try and block it all out. It was much easier to deal with that way.
After a time -- he wasn't sure how much time had passed -- he reached into his pocket, grabbed his wand, and magicked up a few six packs of beer. He then began to drink his way through them. It had been a long time since he had deliberately tried to get drunk, but now, he was willing to accept the consequences. He simply couldn't take these feelings anymore. It hurt more than he could have ever imagined, having two people he actually cared about being ripped away from him. Natalie had never gotten along with him, but in the end, they were family. They would have helped each other out if it had come down to it, but now she was dead.
By the time he had finished the first bottle, two tears had silently rolled down his cheeks. He angrily brushed them away, setting the first down and grabbing another. He downed it in no time at all, and this pattern continued until he had downed about 10. On the tenth, tears had begun to flow down his cheeks solidly. He finished the bottle and lowered his head, resting his arms on his knees, the bottle dangling from his fingers. After a few moments, those long, slender fingers grasped the bottle neck, clenching it tightly. He then angrily threw it against the opposite wall, where it proceeded to shatter, glass flying everywhere. One pieced flew back towards him, slicing his cheek, and another grazed his right hand.
He reached for another bottle, grabbing an empty one instead, and slammed it against the ground, wincing as dull pain shot through his arm. He'd sliced the inside of his right hand, but he didn't care. He threw the bottle against the wall again, grabbing yet another bottle. This one was soon trickling blood down its length, but he didn't even seem to notice. He angrily wiped his tears away once more, opening the bottle. He took a few gulps, staring at the wall facing him, and soon found himself screaming. "WHY?! WHY THEM?! WHY?!?!" He might have screamed more, but he found his words choked off by tears in his throat, and he forced himself to swallow them instead of letting them spill, tipping the bottle back once more to finish it off. The more he drank, the less he would feel... That was the plan. It sounded like a great one, too...
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Post by Charlotte Darcy on Nov 4, 2006 21:10:33 GMT -5
Emerald was quite cheerful, compared to Matt, as she made her way briskly through the castle. She knew a couple of people had died in the Lioano attack, and that had upset and frightened her, but she was more thinking about the fact that Adeline was alive, a stab wound or two aside, a well as Lareina. Lareina had got the hell out of the Hospital Wing as quickly as she could, and Emerald had barely seen her since.
The Fina was making her way quite calmly up to her own common room at that moment, where all Fina students had been told to go to straight away. There was an even stricter curfew now, and Emerald had even seen Professor Andrews yelling at students for milling about in the corridors. It was if he was especially scared, but she couldn’t for the life of her think why. It wasn’t as if the Death Eaters were specifically targeting him… was it? Oh, if only she knew…
She was just passing the Museum when she heard sounds from inside. Opening the large doors, she slipped into the bright room, looking around curiously. A glass bottle shattered against the wall to her right, and she gave a little squeal of surprise as she was sprinkled with sharp shards of the stuff. She looked over in the direction it had come from; in time to hear the boy that had thrown it start yelling, voice distinctively slurred. He stopped bellowing quickly though, but only to drink a bit more from his beer bottle.
Oh God. It was Matt.
Eyes filling with pity and sadness, Emerald made her way across the room to him, and when she was quite near the man, said quietly, “Matt? Mattie?” She kneeled in front of her friend – the best friend she had gained since being at the school – so that he could see her more clearly; she suspected he had consumed an awful lot of alcohol, and that always messed with your senses.
What saddened the Fina girl even further was to see Matt’s red eyes; oh, God, he’d been crying… she couldn’t believe that this was the same fun guy that she had been playing with, teasing and splashing around with in the waterfall several days ago, or the cheeky, flirty lad that she had been casually chatting with in the Defence Against The Dark Arts lesson not so long ago. The boy was a wreck; someone close to him must have been killed or badly injured in the attack.
“Oh, Matt…” she said again, meeting his eyes. “What happened?” She hoped he would feel like he could tell her; or at least not tell her to fuck the hell off. That would be horrible if he did that.
{Sorry it sucks. xD}
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Post by Matthew Jerrolds on Nov 5, 2006 14:34:51 GMT -5
Wait I'm starting to suffocate And soon I anticipate I'm coming undone What looks so strong, so delicate
Matt heard a squeal, but he couldn't make out who the person was. He wasn't even sure if they were real. He briefly saw blonde hair before the person moved towards him, speaking. They called him Mattie. There was only one person who called him that, and as she moved closer to him, his mind began to form around who it was. Then she dropped down to his level, meeting his eyes, and he stared into her own. It was Emerald. He didn't want her to see him like this... He hadn't wanted anyone to see him like this. He was supposed to be the strong one, the one they all turned to for support, and now look at him. He was pathetic. He truly was.
Then she asked it. She asked the one question that had been tearing him apart inside out. He looked up from his knees into her eyes, just staring blankly at her for a few minutes before he whispered,"They killed them. Both of them..." He had to stop, and he raised the bottle to his lips, draining the rest. He then tossed it away, though it didn't shatter like the other two had, and looked back at her. "They killed Natalie. My step-sister... I know we weren't close, but..." He shook his head slightly, closing his eyes and lowering his head. "She was family, or at least what was left of the screwed-up family I have left... And we had each other's back at the end of the day... But she's dead..."
This one was the hardest. He couldn't look at Emerald; he just couldn't. Instead, he kept his head down, his eyes sliding open to stare at his knees. If they were closed, he would see her bloody body again, and he would feel her cold skin against his. He couldn't bear it anymore. He wasn't sure how he was going to sleep at night... "Then they killed her. They killed Felicia." His voice had gotten weaker at the end, choking back tears. "We might have broken through to each other in the end. We might have ended those committment issues... But now we'll never have the chance. She's gone, too. They took her before I ever even got to tell her goodbye..." He clenched his hands together as they rested on his knees, and his knuckles were white from the strength of his grip.
"They're gone... And I wasn't there for them. I didn't protect them. I was sleeping soundly in my bed, like a baby." He clenched his teeth together, drawing in a shaky breath. "I should have been there for them, Emerald... I should have protected them, kept them safe from harm... But I wasn't. I wasn't there when they needed me most, and now they're dead..."
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Post by Charlotte Darcy on Nov 5, 2006 15:30:55 GMT -5
They killed them? Oh no. Who was 'them?' Emerald continued to stare back at him, her own eyes sad, head tipped to one side in curiosity. If she could be honest, though, she didn't really want to know who had died. If it had hurt her friend so much... it had to be bad. Really, seriously bad. But, in spite of herself, Emerald's nosy side won, and she continued to listen to what Matt was saying.
Her eyes followed the empty bottle as it skittered across the floor, and as she did, noticed Matt's cut on his hand. She resisted the temptation of grabbing it and fixing it up right away, asking him how the hell he'd got it, who had done it to him, if he'd done it to himself. It was a hard thing to do; an immensely hard thing to do.
Then he told her what had upset him so much, and it almost made tears spring to her own eyes. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry..." But, she thought to herself, this couldn't be it; there was more to come, wasn't there? He had said 'they', after all, and so far, if she wasn't mistaken, he had only mentioned his step-sister. And then there was a pause. A pause that seemed to last for ages. Emerald hated not being able to look him in the face. Why wouldn't he meet her eyes? He wasn't ashamed, was he? This thought was gone as soon as it came, for Matt spoke.
"Fel... Felicia?" Emerald asked, puzzled. He answered her question, though; ahh, she was the girl. The one Emerald had heard about not so long ago. The one Matt liked. Emerald was quiet. Come on... what do you say to that? This guy had just lost his potential girlfriend and his step-sister; it wasn't exactly a conversation starter.
But at the next thing he said, Emerald could reply to. "Don't, Mattie. There was no way you could have helped them. None of us could. How were we to know there would be an attack? It wasn't possible. Now, I haven't lost anybody; well, nobody that I can remember, anyway, but I can tell you something: Don't give up. You'll get through this, I promise you. My sisters and brothers managed when my mom died. I swear, things will get better." She gently lifted his head up. "I swear."
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Post by Matthew Jerrolds on Nov 13, 2006 16:46:14 GMT -5
He looked up at her as she lifted his head, and he said softly,"It doesn't matter. It was my job to protect them..." His eyes slid unfocused, as though he couldn't even see her, and his breathing picked up. It was shallower and faster than normal. He was no longer in the room with her. His mind was farther away, remembering things as though they were happening just then. He saw Felicia and Natalie, their bodies mangled and bloody. His mind then took him back to the events, though he wasn't there. It was part of an elaborate layout of events his mind had conjured up.
He could see Natalie sleeping, as peacefully as ever, before he saw a shadow appear. His step-sister would have sat up and screamed. He then imagined them torturing her to silence her, and it was as though he could feel her pain. His hands moved to clutch his chest in reality, but he was still stuck in his mind. He then saw Natalie laying on her bed, weak and crying, and he saw the shadow advance and begin to slice her skin. The tears had come now, and he was hoarsely whispering,"No... No... No. Nononono!" Natalie's eyes were staring at the sky, tears pouring from them, before they slid closed as she lost consciousness.
The view then shifted to Felicia and Charlie, who he knew from the few times he'd seen her. He imagined there would be two for them, and watched as two shadows emerged. In his mind, they had grabbed both girls and put their hands over their mouths. They had then proceeded to torture them, eventually cutting up Felicia as well. At this, the tears came faster and harder, and he found it harder and harder to catch his breath. His chest tightened as he imagined they had forced Charlie to watch before leaving before being detected. He had still been mumbling his repetitive "No...", but now he screamed it. "NO!" He watched as the life drained from her, and his body shook with the tears.
He was no longer in the present with Emerald, but he was trapped in the events he imagined had unfolded. He couldn't be sure, of course, but he knew the basics. He remembered every cut, and he had remembered them guessing which were fresher and such, so he had imagined the order probably accurately. At the end of the visions, however, he found himself back in the present, though he was completely oblivious to Emerald. He clutched his chest in pain, eyes squeezed tightly shut. His head pounded, and he was overcome by emotions, though most of all, fear. Fear of losing them over and over again in his nightmares and memories, and the fear of life without them. The fear that they weren't finished. Just fear overall. He tried desperately to catch his breath, but he simply... couldn't. He was shaking uncontrollably by now, sweat beginning to appear on his forehead and palms. He was getting lightheaded, and that increased his fear. His chest pains only raised that level even more. What was happening to him?
((He's having a panic attack, if you couldn't tell. He basically isn't aware of any of his surroundings anymore, and he's likely to attack anyone or anything that he feels is a threat. xDD))
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Post by Charlotte Darcy on Nov 15, 2006 12:22:04 GMT -5
"It does matter," she insisted. "Because you're still here, right?" The reassuring - well, she hoped it was, anyway - smile on her face gradually slipped off, as she realized that it was fully possible that he wasn't still there; not literally, of course. He just looked rather... out of it, and his eyes had darkened ominously and clouded over, which startled Emerald some. His quickened breathing made this all the more... frightening?
"Matt- Mattie?" His name left her lips quietly, then a little louder. "Matt!" What was going on with him? She knew not of the images, pictures and film, what he imagined to be the story of his step sister and Felicia's deaths, and how he was acting because of this awful fear that gripped him quite scared her. She had never in her life been near someone who had a panic attack. Never. She'd never, ever seen one; or heard of them, really. What should she do? Could he hear her, or see her?
The sight of his tears positively made her heart twist, and his murmurs of 'no' eventually escalated into screams and shouts of the word, which made her start in fright and fall backwards, out of her crouching position. She caught herself by her hands though, and twisted around so that her legs were underneath her and she was just anxiously staring at him. "Mattie, please..." she pleaded, quietly and desperately. "You're really frightening me now."
That feeling increased as he grabbed at his chest obviously hurt in some way, his breathing heavy and inconsistent, shaking and sweating. This panicked her slightly. Before he seemed to just be in his own little world, but now... now it looked like something serious was happening. He wasn't having a heart attack, or something, was he? He couldn't seem to get his breath...
Shaking a little herself - although this was with nervousness, not fear as his was - Emerald warily stuck out a hand and touched his arm. "Matt, you alright, mate?" Okay, now that sounded like a really stupid question, considering the circumstances, but she was referring to his health in general and what the hell was going down right now. If he could manage to squeeze out what wrong, and why he seemed in so much pain, then maybe she could help?
Maybe.
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Post by Matthew Jerrolds on Nov 22, 2006 16:45:03 GMT -5
He couldn't hear her. The visions had faded, but those feelings hadn't. He had, however, lost the ability to see anything peripheral. As his eyes were squeezed tightly shut at the moment, he couldn't see Emerald. He finally opened them, wanting desperately to find a way to escape whatever this was. His eyes focused on the wall, and as he looked around the room, it seemed almost that time had slowed and like he was in a dream. He could smell the beer beside him, and as he reached out with his right hand, he knocked one over, and it shattered on the floor. Shards flew airborne, and he threw up his hands to stop the glass from hitting him. It was almost like he could see them slowing down in mid-air.
Then his eyes travelled, landing on Emerald. He barely recognized her, and he saw her mouth moving. The words entered his head, but he was slow to process them. "Mattie, please... You're really frightening me now." He watched as she placed a hand on his arm, and he looked up at her, his breath slowing a little. "Matt, you alright, mate?" He just looked at her, unable to form any sort of thoughts in a reply. He was eventually able to catch his breath, and the chest pains eased off a bit. He closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. He waited a few minutes, feeling his cheeks wet. He wiped them with the back of his hand and opened his eyes slowly. It seemed back to normal now...
Total, about 10 minutes had passed. He looked at Emerald. "Emerald..." he breathed, leaning over to hug her, struggling a little at holding his own weight up. He tried not to fall on her, though. Dully, he felt a little pain in his right hand. The cut was deep, and blood was steadily pouring from it. It had been deepened by the last bottle to smash against the floor, and a few shards were stuck in his skin now. He winced slightly, pulling back and whispering,"I'm sorry... I... I don't... know... what just happened..." He took a shaky breath and spoke softly,"I... think I had a... a panic attack..." He looked at his hand and groaned slightly. "Damn..." He pulled the biggest shard out, hissing out a breath, and tossed it aside. He then looked back at her. "Are you okay?" He wasn't sure what he had done or said during that time...
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Post by Charlotte Darcy on Nov 26, 2006 15:21:26 GMT -5
Emerald jumped violently with surprise when the bottle shattered, shooting jagged pieces of glass everywhere, and turned her head away to avoid getting stabbed painfully with them.
Slowly, though, Emerald saw with a wave of relief that he was getting back to normal, and his eyes were focused, and not so dull anymore. When he showed no signs of talking, she just looked right back in response, waiting patiently for Matt to... well, you know, tell her what the heck had gone on back there. What had been going on with him.
And then he said her name.
She gave another long sigh of relief, and hugged him back, noting the clumsy, exhausted-seeming movements he made and gently pushed him back against the wall so that he wouldn't hurt himself - or her, to be honest - any further. She shook her head, and murmured, "No, Mattie, no, don't apologize... I'm fine, I'm fine."
She gently took his hand, and said, "Careful, careful, you'll hurt it further..." With one of her long nails, she gently pushed the slippery - with blood, of course - shards of glass out of the cut, trying her best not to cause the poor lad any more pain. When she had finished, and she was sure that all the bits of glass were out, she summoned a roll of bandages - via 'Accio', obviously - and cut a length free, wrapping it around his hand.
Then, Emerald moved to sit next to him, back against the wall. She was silent and, for once, Charlotte Darcy honestly didn't know what to say.
{A little short and God-Moddy, but... eh. xD Oh well.}
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Post by Matthew Jerrolds on Nov 30, 2006 20:22:45 GMT -5
He winced as she removed the shards of glass, but otherwise he didn't even seem to acknowledge the pain. It must be the alcohol... He looked at her and whispered,"Thanks, Emerald..." He closed his eyes for a moment, exhausted, but soon he opened them. He didn't want to see the images again just yet. He wasn't ready, especially if it meant having another panic attack. Those things weren't very fun. Instead, he fell silent, thinking. Words were running through his head from a beautiful song he had heard not too long ago...
'Don't lie and say that it's okay. It's alright if there's nothing more to say. So I'm running away, I'm leaving this place. Yeah, I'm running away. I'm running away. And faster than you can follow me from this lonely place. And farther than you can find me. I'm leaving. Yeah, I'm leaving today. I'll, I'll never let you find me. I'm leaving you behind with the past. No, I won't look back. I'm, I'm moving off of this place. I'm leaving and I won't quit. I'm running away. And I'm running away. I'm running away...'
He then spoke, looking down at his newly bandaged hand. "Emerald..." He paused, trying to think of the words he wanted to say, but he couldn't find them. So instead, he fell silent once more, thoughts slowly romping through his mind, playing tag and hide-and-seek. Eventually, it came to him, and he tried again. "Emerald... Thank you... Thank you for being here..." He shook his head slightly, looking at her before his head turned back and he stared at the opposite wall. "I'm not sure what I would have done had you not been here..."
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Post by Charlotte Darcy on Dec 1, 2006 18:48:11 GMT -5
Emerald winced as he winced, almost able to feel the pain through the expression on his face and the look in his eyes. The words he uttered next almost ripped her heart apart. Thank you? For what? Fixing his hand? She didn't deserve his thanks. She hadn't done anything worth it at all.
There she had been, something like twenty minutes ago, now, just walking along, feeling great, as if the stupid bloody world could do no bloody wrong, when someone else's world had practically been ripped apart. She hadn't even thought about it - about Matt - before now, and her selfishness made her feel almost sick to the stomach. Just because nothing bad had happened to her didn't mean the world was fine and dandy for everyone else, and she had been a fool to even consider thinking that it was. She shook her head in disgust.
The sound of her own name softly being called brought her out of her thoughts, and her mind was directed back onto her friend, her hurt, lost almost, friend. "Mm?" She simply murmured a sound, not much of a word, as a quick reply, but he couldn't seem to find the words; that, or he didn't feel the need to go on.
"Don't," she said in reply as he finally spoke. His eyes caught hers before he turned away, and this almost drove her insane. She put a hand up to gently turn his face towards her again, her other hand clutching the arm of seen as she couldn't hold the injured hand, and she said, "Don't think about that, Matt. What would, what could, have happened doesn't matter, because I did come, and you are fine, and look, look..." She smiled faintly. "Your breathing's almost back to normal and everything. It's okay. It's okay..."
{Damn you, you get to use song lyrics to make your posts even longer! Dx *pouts*}
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Post by Matthew Jerrolds on Dec 14, 2006 18:24:07 GMT -5
Well, maybe I wouldn't be so broken hearted If you were still here with me Love is just a disease I'm torn apart, and it only makes me cry...
Matt looked at her and nodded slowly. "You're right... It... It doesn't matter..." His words came slowly, and they were still heavily slurred. He shook his head slowly and gently, trying to clear it. That, most certainly, did not work. At all. He groaned and looked at her. "How can you ever put up with me, Emerald?" There was a hint of humor in his eyes amidst the grief and sorrow. It was very small, but it was there. Perhaps there was still hope... "I just don't see how you can spend so much time with me and not want to smack me or strangle me, Emmie..." He had to give her that little nickname. It was pretty fun to give her nicknames and to watch her reactions.
He was far from being better, but he was on the right road now. All that was left was for him to get over them. It sounded blunt, but it was true. Natalie's he knew wouldn't take as long, simply because he didn't know her as well and wasn't very close, though he was very shaken over her death. He didn't fancy seeing his mother and step-father after that news... But Felicia's was the hardest. She had meant something to him... She had reached him in a way no one else ever had, and that was one hell of an amazing feat... He forced his thoughts away from her for now, though. Only in his dreams would he revisit her memory... "What now, Char?" Yes, more nicknames...
((xDD That was a strange post...))
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Post by Charlotte Darcy on Dec 15, 2006 13:42:16 GMT -5
Emerald nodded in a final manner as he said quietly that she was right- at least her words were getting through to him now. She smiled as she replied to the next thing he said. "Because I like you, silly. We're friends. I'm not going to sit off with my sisters, feeling happy, when a friend is struggling by themselves. I'd have to try and help them, at least."
She gave a little laugh. "Well. The point is, I don't smack or strangle you..." She shook her head. "No, kidding. I have no idea what you're going on about, because you've done nothing at all to make me want to hit you as of yet, and I doubt you will. Why do you think you've done bad things when you haven't?"
Emerald sighed as they settled into a short silence one more, as, she assumed, Matt was thinking. Then he spoke, and what he said made her shake her head and say, "I don't really know." She had a thought, and added, "But jeez, you need sleep, and cleaning up." She smiled. "You look pretty rough, I sure have to say."
She pulled herself to her feet, saying, "Can you stand?" She wasn't sure. "Because you look rather... alcohol-affected, like."
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Post by Matthew Jerrolds on Dec 21, 2006 20:19:58 GMT -5
He laughed bitterly and shrugged, looking around him. "Honestly, I'm not sure if I could even tell you where my common room is... I'm not even sure where I am anymore..." His voice was heavily slurred, and he looked down at the bottles. He pushed them away, giving them a sort of glare. Still looking at the bottles, he spoke to them. "You are a bad influence... You... Are... Bad. You hear me? Bad. Stay away from me for a while... Stupid..." He then waved his wand at them, making them disappear. Well, it was good to know his magical abilities weren't affected in this stage too badly.
He then tried to stand, quickly finding it very difficult as he landed hard on his rear. His head was spinning, and he swayed back and forth a little, closing his eyes and putting his head in his hands. Oh, man. Note to self: no more alcohol for a while. Pfft. Yeah, right. He couldn't stay away from the stuff... He groaned and mumbled something about "stupid alcoholic beverages" and tried again, this time somehow managing to get halfway up the wall. He leaned all of his weight against it, and he was barely able to stand. He slowly made his way farther up the wall, finding himself leaning over on a stand with a glass box on it holding a trophy for something to do with quidditch.
He groaned, leaning very heavily on this shiny object, and swayed slightly. He tried to walk, but found that it was nearly impossible, and so he looked to Emerald for help. "I'd help you up, but I'd probably end up on top of you..." He grinned a little. Well, he still had his sense of humor, no matter the situation. He brushed his hair out of his eyes, looking at her. "Well... Where we goin', Emmy-pooh, darling?" He was in no hurry to move, really. I mean, the world was always spinning, but right now... The world was really spinning...
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