Nothing || {Aimee? With Matt?}

[Charlotte Darcy]

{I’m putting dates on these things now, because jeez; things get complicated otherwise. This board is for the 15th of JANUARY, AFTER the attack. Thank you. ^^}


The world is damn fucked up.

For once, this year, people were finally getting happy. The Lioano attack had frightened people; frightened them a lot. But now, months on from it, people were piecing their lives back together. Loved ones were healing from their injuries, nightmares were gradually lessening for most, becoming less frequent, and people were moving on. Couples had gotten together. Family members had thrown aside their petty squabbles and… things were getting better.

Heck, even Emerald Darcy had thought things were finally going her way, working out for her, too. Most that she cared about were unharmed, excluding Professor Darien, her sister Adeline’s partner. Though he was getting better, too; at least, that’s what Emerald and Lareina had been told. That couldn’t be for sure, though. You couldn’t trust half of what you heard these days. Even with all this though, which was damn good fortune in itself, Miss Darcy had her Mattie. Her Matthew Jerrolds. That was so good to say.

But the Fina was pretty sure that she was close to fucking that up, as well.

After the rape from Professor Domitan MacKeltar, Emerald had done her best to get away from Matt. She knew she should tell him what had happened, but… she couldn’t get the words out. She could barely even think the word ‘rape’ without yelling out or allowing tears to trickle down her pale cheeks. It was so damn frustrating, and because of it, the girl had been forced to avoid her boyfriend. The young man that she cared about most in the whole freaking world.

Why did she have to stay away from him completely, you ask?

Because Emerald was sure that she knew what he boyfriend would want from her; sex. He wasn’t that persistent, sure, and she knew that he wouldn't push or force her into doing something that she didn't want to- Matt wasn't like that at all. But still, he was a guy, and had his needs. She knew he wanted her, but... the thought of anyone's hands on her made her shiver. Made her feel almost sick to the stomach. It wasn't as if she could throw anything up, though, of course; the girl had barely eaten anything since the rape, and she had been thin enough as it was.

The girl had gone on like this for a while, until the attack to the Fina dorms had happened. Mirabelle Miette, a seventh year Intermise student and her best friend, had noticed what was going on with her. The other girl didn't know what had happened, but knew that something was very wrong with her friend. She was getting worried, and had invited Emerald over to sleep in her dorm that night. You know, perhaps Belle had thought that with a little girly chatting, magazines and make up to cheer Emerald up, she would tell what the matter with her was. She didn't, and the night was awkward and quiet, ending in several hours of silent sleeping.

And then in the morning... all hell broke loose when the attacks and what had happened came out into the open.

So there Emerald was. She stumbled into the courtyard, tears streaming down her white cheeks, and fell down onto a bench, head in her hands. For once she had been lucky; if she had been involved in the attack, she surely would have been killed. The girl was too weak to defend herself in any way at all. She didn't feel lucky, however; she felt selfish, upset and sick, which she demonstrated by dry-retching shakily. Nothing. Still nothing.

Life just hated you sometimes, didn't it?

[Matthew Jerrolds]

Matt... was feeling like Hell incarnate, to put it mildly. The Fina attack, though completely unexpected, had left the seventh year Intermise stuck in a world of physical and emotional pain. After discovering that Emerald had been with Belle in the Intermise dorms, and that they had been safe, he had stayed by his two friends' sides. Jon and Cove... were in trouble. Jon was in a deep coma, and they weren't sure if he would even come out of it. Cove had been in a coma as well, but he had come out of it after a week. They said it was from his concussion. Something about TBI, which meant Temporary Brain Injury... No, that wasn't it. Terribly Brain Injury? No, that wasn't it either. Oh yeah! Traumatic Brain Injury. That was it.

Matt had cursed the Death Eaters to pieces. If it hadn't been for Jon, both Matt and Cove might have been dead. But what was the price for his heroism? It was a coma, among so many other things. He had been a broken, bloody mess. They were suprised they could even keep him alive, it was so bad. Matt had been a wreck after he had woken up a few days later. He had a pretty nice concussion, and some bad injuries, and had been in and out for those three days. More out than in, though. They had given him potions and cast spells to keep him out as he recovered, though. It was much less painful. But he could only imagine the pain his friend was in. As it was, he was sitting by his bed, looking at him as if begging him to just jump out of the bed and yell "PSYCHE!"

But he wouldn't. He wasn't okay. Nothing was okay. Matt brushed the hair out of his friend's face, feeling the tears stinging his eyes again. He had saved his life, he had. The tears came, and though he fought them, they spilled down his cheeks. Matthew Jerrolds... was crying. He whispered to Jon,"Bastard... Why did you have to leave me here alone? Why couldn't you just save Cove and yourself? It shouldn't have been you... Never you..." He squeezed his eyes shut and rested his forehead on the bar on the bed, which was on both sides. He wept uncontrollably, feeling more alone than ever. It had always been Jon who had been there when times got rough. Adam had been caught at the bar just before Christmas, and had paled as he told Matt he had to go with some guy.

Matt was alone now... Cove had left, but he had been so terrified, he hadn't gone too far from his dorm. Actually, Jon's dorm. He refused to stay in his own, due to the fear of facing his friends, and of being alone. He was up in the hospital wing just as much as Matt was, and once Matt and he had been officially released, he would only go back to the dorms with Matt. He was so scared... He never wanted to be alone. Matt felt so bad for him. He knew that out of the three of them, Cove was reminded of past events and such. He knew of the abuse he had endured most of his life, and he knew that this brought those memories back in waves. He couldn't imagine how scared the Fina was, but he knew that he would be there for him.

Amazingly, today he had told Matt that he was going to go look for his friends. He said he had to at some point, and Matt nodded. It was a few hours later before Matt was crying over Jon's bed. After a while, the silent sobs stopped and the tears slowed and ceased. He then lifted his head, wiped his eyes, and whispered,"Goodbye, Jon... I'll... I'll be back..." He then got to his feet and walked out. He limped out, his ankle still a little sore, though it had been healed. It had taken her so long to be able to heal it, though, that it had started to try and heal that way. Finally, they had noticed it, and she had fixed it as best she could. By that, they basically had to re-break the bone and then heal it. So it hurt him occasionally, and today was one of those days.

His right arm, which had been sprained, was in a sling. He was still having problems with it, and it had been pretty bad. She had given him some potions to ease the pain, but there was really nothing else she could do for him now. So he dealt with it. Now, however, he wanted to find Emerald. He needed to talk to her. So he searched the castle, dismayed to discovered that she was not there. He would not be denied, though, and instead continued his search until his came to the courtyard. There, he found his girlfriend. She was crying, and now she was dry-heaving. What was going on with her? He hurried to her, but he tripped on a tree root that had grown into the path. He twisted his hurt ankle, and he gasped, pain shooting up his leg.

He halted, falling against a tree as he kept all of his weight on his other leg. His eyes squeezed shut tightly until the wave of pain passed, then he tested it, finding that it shot pain up his ankle every time. He took a deep breath and then started walking -- very slowly, and with a limp -- towards Emerald. He came to the bench and was breathing very fast and hard, his teeth clenched together in pain. He fell onto the bench, jostling his arm and causing him to wince. Stupid Death Eaters... "Emerald? Emy? What's wrong? What's happened?" He didn't touch her yet... He wasn't sure if she'd even want him to. Why hadn't she come to see him? Did she not know he had been attacked? Had she not bothered to find out why her boyfriend had been absent from everywhere?

He needed to know why she was avoiding him, as that was what it seemed to be, unless he wanted to beleive that she just didn't care about him anymore, which he didn't want to believe...

[Charlotte Darcy]

Oh man. She had known, and that was one of the very worst things- worse than her feelings of pain, mentally and mildy physically. It was guilt, and it just eats people to pieces and then spits them back out again. But, yes; Emerald Darcy had known that the very person that she cared about most was in the hospital wing all this time, along with a couple of his very close friends. She had known they were there, injured, and STILL had she not gone to visit because of fear of... what, exactly?

She just hadn't gone. The girl didn't know just how badly injured Matthew was, or any of the others, and maybe that was one of the things that edged her to stay put and not just pay them all a decent visit to see what was going on. But, if that was the case, then why had she rushed away, way out of earshot whenever people went past mentioning the attack? Why had she tried her absolute hardest not to know how everybody was?

Fear. Embarrassment. She was ashamed. It had first been, just before the attacks, because of the rape, and that she didn't want Matt to see her in such a state. He wasn't stupid; he'd soon put the pieces together and work out what she had had done to her. Then, when everything had happened and Matt was injured, she didn't want to go and see him then, either. It got to the point where she didn't want to go and see him, see if he was okay, because she was ashamed that she hadn't gone earlier. Now she'd have to explain everying and risk seeming uncaring - although she was now - as well as revealing the rape.

Jesus Christ; it was like, too much pride, or something, and Lareina had always been the sister that was filled with too much of that stuff. So what in the name of good, sweet Merlin was going on with her? She could barely tell you that herself.

Emerald was startled when she heard a gasp, and spun around, her blue eyes searching the area frantically. There was someone there, she knew, but, being sat on the bench, couldn't see over the tangle of bushes that partially blocked the person from view. What was someone else doing out here in this weather? It was freezing, and besides; being outside was pretty dangerous, what with the second attack, and all that. So, just who was this mystery person?

And then... Matt limped into view.

Emerald's shaking hands clutched at the marble bench, and she stared at the male as he made his way over to her. She was completely still, appearing to be almost frozen in place. She wanted so much to get up and go, to run, to delay this meeting for even longer just so that she had more time to try and think up something to say. But there was nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide. and besides... there shouldn't be. This was only Matt. But he seemed to frighten her so...

"Oh, Matt, what..." she had gasped herself, a fresh stream of tears pouring from her bright eyes and down her slightly flushed cheeks, blurring her vision to a degree that Matt barely seemed there and stopping her words. But he was there. He was there, in pretty bad pain, and confused by her strange behavior, it seemed, and she had to talk now. She wanted to badly to explode and say that she was sorry, to say every fucked up thing that was going around her mind right then, but the words weren't coming fast enough.

No, let's rephrase that: The words weren't coming at all, and they hadn't been for one heck of a long time.

After a couple of silent minutes of inwardly choking bitterly on stubborn things that wanted - that even needed - to come out and just couldn't, Emerald said the last thing that came to mind, a word that she used often. "Nothing," she blurted out. "N-nothing's wrong."

[Matthew Jerrolds]

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading
From all the things that we are
And are not saying

Matt looked at his girlfriend, and he found that he was at a loss as to what to say. Something was wrong, but she wouldn't tell him. Why? Why wouldn't she tell him? They had been best friends before all of this, but still she was keeping something from him. Or, possibly, a lot of things. He suddenly found his happiness at finding her ebb away, and it was replaced by worry. But that wasn't all. That worry was threaded with sorrow, laced with confusion, and stitched with fear. A fear so deep that he felt his heart skip a beat before it began to race. This is why he didn't like commitments... Because when they came crashing down around him, it hurt more than anything, and it pushed him even farther away from them. Now? Yeah, now was panic time for him.

Can we see beyond the scars?
And make it to the dawn
Change the colors of the sky
And open up to

He just stared at her, finding his throat growing tighter and tighter. Did something happen to her? Did she find someone else? Did she cheat on him? What? He was confused and a little hurt. Did she not trust him anymore? He bit his lip and looked away, staring across the courtyard. Before his eyes flashed the image of Jon as he tried to protect his friends. He had nearly gotten himself killed... And now he was laying in the hospital wing, hovering between life and death. His best friend... wasn't here when he needed him. And now? Now his own girlfriend wasn't speaking to him hardly, and she hadn't even come to check on him. He knew she had known. How could she not? Cove had even mentioned seeing her once or twice... So what was going on?

The ways you made me feel alive
The ways I loved you
For all the things that never died
To make it through the night
Love will find you

He looked down at the ground in front of him. She wasn't interested anymore... Was she? If she was, she would have come to check on him. But she hadn't. She hadn't even asked anyone. He had told everyone who had visited him to let him know if she asked about him, but none of them had reported her asking. It hurt him, and he found the tears from earlier returning. His blue eyes were swimming with so many emotions it would make your head spin. But over it all, you could see the pain. He was hurting, and he couldn't help but feel that all of this was somehow his fault. All those insecurities from his childhood came rushing back, along with the flashes of those that had been hurt or that had died that he had loved. Natalie, Felicia, Jon, Cove... All of them.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you’re making me
All that I was meant to be?

His eyelids slid down over his deep blue eyes, hiding them from view. He put his head in his hands, feeling a tear leak out. It was all happening so fast... He just couldn't keep up! It was like trying to catch a moving freaking subway train or something after it had picked up speed, and all he could do was try and jump on and hold on tight. But right now, he was falling pretty fast, lost in everything that had happened and that was happening. He was so confused that nothing made sense anymore. All he could think about was that the person he cared the most about was sitting beside him, and she wasn't talking to him. What had he done? He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the hot tears slipping out, though he willed them not to. He couldn't fix this... He just couldn't fix this...

What if our love never went away?
What if it’s lost behind
Words we could never find?
Baby, before it’s too late
What about now?

He took a few deep breaths, willing himself to calm down, but it just didn't work. He needed his friends... He needed Jon. He needed his reasonable, clear-headed friend who could always fix these things. He always knew what to do... Because right now... Matt didn't. He didn't have a clue. And for the first time in his entire life, he was utterly terrified. He still had nightmares of the Death Eaters coming back, he was afraid that any day Jon might slip away, he was afraid of losing someone else, he was afraid of the Death Eaters coming back, and now... He was terrified of losing Emerald. She meant so much to him, and for the first time in so long, he had made a commitment, but... he had screwed that up too, huh? He just couldn't stop the tears just yet. There was just so much...

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day
This broken heart can still survive
With the touch of your grace
As shadows fade into to light
I am by your side where love will find you

His breathing was shaky, but soon enough the tears ceased, and he wiped his eyes, still not looking at Emerald. Seeing her like this... it killed him. He wanted her to be okay. He needed her to be okay. And screw what guys needed. Right now, he didn't need sex. He needed someone that cared about him. He needed her to be okay, because if she wasn't... He didn't know what he would do. He cared about her a lot, and he constantly feared that if they came back, they would hurt her. He couldn't stand the thought of that, and he would never let that happen. He would let them kill himself before he would let them harm a single hair on her body. Because she meant that much to him. She meant the world to him, and he wasn't sure that he had ever told her this.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you’re making me
All that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it’s lost behind
Words we could never find?

After wiping his eyes, he looked up at her, his eyes trying to find and catch her own. "Emerald..." he breathed. "I need to tell you some things, and you had better listen good, okay? You need to know these things..." He took a deep, shaky breath, struggling to find the words. He was silent for a long moment, biting his lip to keep from losing it again. He couldn't appear weak. Not because he was afraid to show weakness in front of her, but rather because he wanted her to know that he could handle it. That she would be safe with him. He needed her to know that. Just as he needed to know what was wrong with her, because he wanted to try and fix it. He wanted to help her as much as she had helped him. But right now? Right now he just wanted to get this out...

Baby, before it’s too late
What about now, now that we’re here
Now that we’ve come this far, just hold on
There is nothing to fear
For I am right beside you
For all my life I am yours

Finally, he looked back at her and reached for her hand with his good one. This was hard for him, really. He had never been the one for making big, fancy proclamations of love or anything. Truthfully, with him it had always been 'skip the talking part and go straight to the physical aspect of it all'. So all of this was entirely new to him, but he didn't want to lose it. Ever. He liked how he felt around Emerald. It was new, different... It was so strange, but he loved every minute of it. It made him feel so... alive. No smile curved his lips as they parted, though no sound was emitted just yet. He took another deep breath and looked at her, his eyes expressing his feelings. He was clueless here. Sure, the flirting and stuff, easy. But this? This was harder than those stupid tests...

What about now?
What about today?
What if you’re making me
All that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it’s lost behind
Words we could never find?

He was unsure of himself, but he didn't let that get to him. Instead, he just started, letting the words just tumble out of his mouth. "Emerald... You mean so much to me. I hate seeing you like this... Because it's not you. The Emerald I know never lets anything get to her, and she is strong and brave. She tells me what's wrong when something is, and she even tells me when everything is right..." He paused, then he stumbled over his next words, stuttering a little. "A-and I don't know what to do here... I'm lost, Em. This is all so new to me... But I know one thing. What you do to me is more amazing than words can describe. I love how I feel when I'm with you, and I'm not even talking about physically. I don't even care about that. To me, that's just the icing on the cake -- which is excellent, by the way..."

What about now?
What about today?
What if you’re making me
All that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it’s lost behind
Words we could never find?

A faint smile crept onto his face then, but it soon slipped away just as abruptly as it had appeared. "I guess what I'm trying to say is... I care about you. A lot. And I don't believe that nothing's wrong for a minute. If nothing's wrong with you, then there's nothing wrong with me, and we both know that's a lie..." He took a deep breath, and he found himself wanting to stop, but he couldn't. He couldn't stop, and if he did, he knew that he would never tell her. Because he would never again have the courage to do so if he didn't now. "A-a-and... I... You mean the world to me, Emerald." He looked into her eyes, and a tear slipped down his right cheek as they welled up in his eyes. "If I lost you, I would die... Because I would lose the person that means so much to me. My world would crash and burn, Em. You know why?" He paused, the tears coming more now. "Because..." He paused, but the words didn't stop there. They couldn't stop, just like his tears. "I love you..."

Baby, before it’s too late
Baby, before it’s too late
Baby, before it’s too late
What about now?

[Charlotte Darcy]

His eyes were on her, Emerald knew, even as she watched the leaves - the few dying ones that were still there - fluttering in the cool wind. She could… feel them. For once, she wished she had someone else’s life. Anyone else’s. Or, failing that, maybe just someone else’s personality. Someone who knew what to say at times like these. To get out what was on her mind, no matter how bad it was, to show she really, really cared. At that moment, to be that person was the thing that Emerald Darcy wanted most in the whole world.

The ability to fix things when cracks show, damn it.

They had been best friends. When things had first happened, Emerald had hoped that being such good friends before hand would have made a difference. Would have made things easier in this new kind of relationship. Well, it sure as hell didn’t. God only knows why, but it seemed to make things harder, if anything. Something else that the naive female didn’t understand. This was the stuff classes should be about, she thought sometimes.

Emerald herself hadn’t been the fondest of commitments and… romantic relationships before Matt. There had been a reason that she had been a virgin until now, after all, and that was about it. She wasn’t as frightened of it as Matt was, but she often stayed single for long periods of time just to save herself the heartbreak of it all when the relationship finally fell apart. She could be perfectly happy with just male friends before; she hadn’t known what she was missing, at least, so she had been fine.

The Fina had been thinking about when she got together with Matt, and lately, she had been wondering what had made her do it at all. Not in a horrible way, that is; no, she enjoyed her time with her Mattie, she loved when they were together, but she didn’t know what made her kiss him again that night, as she was sure she wouldn‘t have done what she had with anybody else. Maybe that was the reason, she thought, then dismissed it. He had a reason that he could blame it on if he ever felt the need; alcohol. Not that he ever would, though, it seemed.

Emerald looked up again to find his eyes still on her, and looked back at him for a moment before breaking again, the steady stream of her own tears going a little faster now. Then she looked away again, wishing once again that one of them could say something, anything to make this situation better. No, not better, but… easier. Easier for them both to say what they wanted to say and just get it all out in the open.

She also would have wished that she could read his mind, if she had known just a little of what was going through it. The questions. Then she could tell him that, yes, something had happened to her. No, she hadn’t found anyone else and she never would, and no, she hadn’t cheated on him. She couldn’t do any of the later two even if she’d wanted to- which she sure as hell didn’t. It might have appeared - painfully so - that she didn’t care about him at all during the past week, but she did, and she couldn’t have cheated on him with anybody, whether he was in the hospital wing or not.

That would have been the complete and utter worst thing that she could do.

Emerald could also have told him that she was interested, damn it. Everything about Matt made her curious, and she wanted to see it all; they had just got together, after all. There was more to find out about the other. She was so interested that it hurt, and maybe it was the fear of scaring him off and embarrassing herself in the process that made her hold back from telling him about the rape. Even thought she should tell him, because he deserved to know if she was going to keep on treating him like this, otherwise.

She felt him moving beside her, and turned her head to find him sitting with his own in his hands. It was as if they had both given up on… well, everything. And, right about then, Emerald felt this rush of guilt that she was making him like this. It was her fault. If she had just calmed down and thought things over, thought about people’s feelings, maybe this could all have been avoided. Damn it, she was a Fina; wasn’t that was they did best, dealing with feelings and caring, and all that?

Hey, Matt himself had said that she would have fit better in Lioano, or something to that effect, hadn’t he? By the waterfall? He had said that she was too aggressive to be a Fina.

There were a few moments, then, where Emerald’s eyes fluttered closed. She had turned her head again, in search for those leaves that she had been watching earlier, only to find that they were now completely gone, blown away from the wind. So she had closed her eyes, and just listened. The only thing that her ears seemed to be picking up was her own shaky breathing that wavered every now and again as another cold tear slipped down her pale cheek. That, and Matt’s own deep breathing, which shook itself almost as often as hers.

She jumped, then, as he spoke, and her eyes opened and focused on him again. She was prone to starting nowadays; it happened almost when anybody spoke to her, they gave her a fright. The girl didn’t say anything in response to what Matt did, only nodded. She was thankful that, for now, she only had to listen and not speak. That would change soon, she knew, for she was sure that Matt was going to be looking for some sort of answer from her for whatever he said next, and she wouldn’t just be able to nod.

He took her hand in his, and Emerald gulped quietly. She sensed that what Matt was going to say was hard for him in some way, though for the life of her she couldn’t think why. Talk about ‘knowing your boyfriend‘… But seriously; the fact that he was finding it difficult to get the words out just gave her a feeling of foreboding. Oh man, what was he going to say to her? She had a feeling that it was going to be bad, so how wrong she really was…

And then he started.

He described her, how he thought she was and acted all the time, and he hit the nail on the head. The words stabbed at her heart, not because they were wrong in any way, but because they were so right. She had been that brave girl. She had had to be; most of her family were. They had learned to be strong, all of them, and Emerald was no exception. She had learned to deal with anything that came her way, good or bad, but this time, she had wanted to be weak. She had wanted so bad to just wallow in sorrow, for once in her life. To be a coward.

She had thought it would be okay; but the back of her mind told her that it was far from being anything close to okay. The Fina girl had wrecked this relationship with her cowardness, and how she couldn’t see way to fix it. That girl she had wanted to be, way before, the one that could fix these awkward situations with just a couple of words, the one that could repair almost anything that was broken… that wasn’t just a random, want, a random personality of another, stronger young woman.

That had been Emerald, that had, and the girl wanted herself back. She had believed that things couldn’t go back to normal, that she was stuck in this frightened, pathetic personality forever, and she didn’t realize that she could change all that. After all, if there’s one thing in the world that you can change when everything else in your life is going wrong, it has to be you, right? Positive thoughts, think positive, and you could change your whole personality and what people think of you forever.

Though, in Emerald’s case, it wasn’t even that hard; she just had to restore what she was before. What she had lost after such carelessness.

What he said next caused her to let out a bit of a choked up sob, and tears clogged her eyes and soaked her cheeks again. This time, though, it was because she was something close to happy. She was incredibly grateful to what Matt had just said; she finally knew - at least, she knew to some degree - how he felt about her. He continued, and she listened as carefully as though he were reciting something that would save her life, and when he smiled at the last part she let out a sound that was a cross between a very small laugh and a mewl.

Then, her expression faded to what it had been before, and she listened again. As she had expected, he didn’t believe her sad little cry of ‘nothing’ that she had given him when he had asked her what was wrong, what had happened. Why, basically, she was acting like a bit of a bitch. When Matt said that she meant the world to him, Emerald cried a little more herself, and murmured something tearfully, something that sounded close to a, ‘thank you’.

He asked her if she knew why, tears streaming down his own cheeks, and she silently shook her head, staring at him and waiting for his answer. She hadn’t expected it to be what it was, though, and her blue eyes widened a little. The information processed quickly, though, and she glanced down at her lap and then back up to him. Then she spoke, quietly, her voice clogged up with the tears that she hadn‘t shed yet. “Oh, Mattie. I love you, too.”

She wasn’t just saying it back because she felt obliged to, because he had come out unexpectedly and said it first. The Fina knew that she loved him, and she had, underneath all the surface shit, since the night they spent together. How could she not love him? He had been so gentle, and he seemed to care so, so much about her. Plus, he had been the one to take her virginity, and that was a pretty important thing to her. She’d have to have a heart of stone not to love him more than anything else that she knew. The only thing that would come close was family.

But still; she had this thing hanging over her, the rape; and she especially owed knowing this to him now. He had revealed something that frightened him to her, so it was only fair that she did the same, right? It would be awful if she didn’t tell him now.

Emerald tried to clear her head a little, her cheeks damp, the tears now dripping off the bottom of her chin. How the heck was she going to word this? Maybe she’d be able to think a little clearer if she just told him that something was on her mind, that something was wrong, that something had happened to her. Then at least he’s know that much. Then, maybe he would give her a couple of moments to clear up her tears and get those damn words in order again. Then she could tell him everything; which was what he deserved right about now.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t come to see you, Mattie,” she managed to choke out after a moment or two. “But something bad happened to me, and I’ve been a coward. I've been selfish and thought of myself.” She coughed and shook her head. “I’ve been dumb and careless, and you deserve to know why. Just give me a second.” Then she began to wipe her tears away, the one’s that had appeared on her cheek, and fell silent once more.

[Matthew Jerrolds]

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait

She loved him? His blue eyes widened in shock, and he stared at her in amazement. She had never looked more beautiful to him than she did just then. In that moment, it felt as if everything else just didn't matter or even exist. He just looked at her, amazed, and couldn't help but whisper,"You... do?" It sounded as though it was hard for him to believe it, but it wasn't an insult to her. It was more along the lines of... He'd never expected this to happen. Sure, somewhere inside he had always longed for love, but... He had never thought that it was for him. It was always there at the edge of his dreams, always just out of reach, and eventually he had just... given up. Because love just didn't love him, really. It never had, and he had been forced to face that fact.

Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know, you know, you know

Then he swallowed and said,"I'm sorry. That sounded rude... I just..." He looked away for a moment, biting his lip again. "I just never... I always wanted what my friends had. You know, loving girlfriends and all that. I wanted love... But... I never thought I would experience. After a while, I just accepted the fact that I was never meant to find love. Out of the entire world, I was just never meant to find someone who would actually love me. That's when I started sleeping around, just trying to satisfy that need for a while, but eventually it became... I dunno... normal? I just didn't think about it. Girls wanted me, but not for the reasons you do. They wanted me physically, and that was it. They didn't want the real me... They didn't want Matthew Hayden Jerrolds. They just wanted Matt, the bartender..."

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long

It had all been said in a rush, and he looked back at her, and he couldn't help but let a small smile lift the corners of his lips as he carefully reached over and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. He pressed his lips to her head and just held her, needing the contact as much as he wanted to comfort her. Because something was wrong... He knew it. What he didn't know what what and why. What was wrong, and why wasn't she telling him? But he was going to be patient. That was the right thing to do, right? He thought so. Once again, he was new to this. His eyes slid closed and he felt a little wind pick up, but he ignored it, only thinking about the two of them. He loved her... God help him, but he did. When had this happened? He wasn't sure, but he knew where it had started... The waterfall.

I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

As his lips were pressed to her forehead and this memory occurred to him, a smile twisted the corners of his lips into a smile, and he gently rested his head against hers. He would never forget the day they had met. How could he? It was the day that his entire life was changed forever. This one girl... had changed everything. Suddenly, other girls -- though beautiful -- just paled in comparison. Sex with anyone but her was just repulsive, and life was completely amazing. All because of one girl... One very special girl. And Matt knew that no matter what happened, he would never be able to leave her willingly. Unless she ended it with him, he would never be able to leave her or hurt her in that way. In fact, even if she left him, he would never be able to give up or move on. Not now. Not ever.

One my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand

His entire future was being held in his arms, and he didn't want to let go. Ever. Because you know what? He was holding the entire world in his arms. His world. She was his world. And as he held her, he knew that there was no place he would ever rather be and no one else he would rather be with. He knew... this was forever. And the best thing was... It didn't scare him in the slightest. It made him feel like he had never felt before, alive in such a way that nothing seemed as it once was. The colors seemed brighter, the air seemed warmer, the smells seemed richer... Everything was so alive, and he knew it was all because of her. Everything would be different now, but he wanted them to be. She was perfect to him. Perfect in every possible way, and he was never going to let her go.

I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
‘Cause you know, you know, you know

He whispered,"So you love me too, huh? Well, sweetheart, I hate to break it to you... But I love you more." He couldn't help but grin, even though his eyes still shone brightly with tears. Happy was not a word to describe Matt in that moment. Even ecstatic and joyful just couldn't describe him. He was beyond all of them. He was in a completely new category of happiness that he was positive had never been reached before, and he was convinced that he had just discovered a new feeling that simply could not be described in words. He then pulled away just enough to press his lips to her cheek. "I love you more..." he repeated, his lips moving to kiss her nose. "I love you more than anything..." His lips then pressed gently to her forehead before he pulled back just enough to look at her.

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long

He just looked at her, his eyes finding her own, before he gently pressed his lips to hers. It wasn't rushed or passionate. Instead, it was slow and sweet, gentle and caring. His eyes had slid closed, and he lingered for a moment before he pulled away, a smile gracing his features. "I love you." There was no hesitation or fear now. There was no worry, confusion, or even sadness. No, there was pure emotion there. It was a mix of love, joy, and even amazement. This love stuff... It was powerful and wonderous. It was everything to him now, and suddenly, he knew. He knew that she was his everything. She was his life, and without her, he would surely die. As he looked into her eyes, he could only see his future. No, their future. And it was one filled with happiness beyond imagination.

I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

He had an idea just then, and plans began to form in his mind. He knew what he was going to do now, and soon he was grinning. He kissed her forehead again and just took it all in. Everything that had happened since he came here. It was crazy, really, but this rollercoaster was about to get even crazier if he went through with his plans. Which he would. In fact, he was going to do them soon. Very soon. Because if he didn't, he just might go crazy. He wouldn't chicken out, though, because that would destroy his entire world. So he was going to do this no matter how it terrified him, because he wanted it. But she was starting to speak, so he quieted himself and began to listen to her. The smile had faded slightly, but it was still there. Not much could erase it, really, except...

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

She was talking now, and he listened. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come to see you, Mattie. But something bad happened to me, and I’ve been a coward. I've been selfish and thought of myself. I’ve been dumb and careless, and you deserve to know why. Just give me a second.” Suddenly, the smile was gone and his heart began to race. What had happened to her to make her like this? He watched her, seeing her wipe away the tears. He then pulled her closer to him, closing his eyes. If they had hurt her... He was going to hunt them down and kill them, no matter the consequences. He wanted her to be safe, not in danger. But wait, she hadn't been attacked... He had even been told by Aimee that she had been in the Intermise dorm with Belle, and they were both fine...

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say

He was confused. Did someone else hurt her? What was going on? But she was getting to it, though it was taking her some time. He was patient, though. He had to be. So he waited, feeling his worry growing every second. What had they done to her? What had this person or these people done to her? He needed to know. Of course, he needed to know also because he wanted to hurt them or kill them, but mostly he needed to know so that he could somehow make it better. Because he needed her to be happy and to feel safe. His heart lurched, and he briefly wondered what would have happened if... No. She was here. She was alive, and she was here. She wasn't... dead. No. She was safe. She was safe, and he loved her. She was safe now, and she loved him. It was going to be okay. It had to be.

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long

"It's okay, Em. It's okay. Take however long you need to, just know that it's okay... I was just worried about you. I was afraid that they... got to you." He held her tightly, though not tight enough to hurt her, and his hand gently stroked her hair, trying to keep her calm. He didn't want anything to happen to her. He was going to take care of her, no matter what. He then continued,"Whatever happened, Em, it's okay now. It will all be okay... I'm here for you. Always. No matter what. Don't ever forget that, okay? Ever. Because I'm not leaving. Nothing can make me leave. Not even death... Nothing." He pressed his lips to her head once more and pulled away just enough so he could look into her eyes and reassure her that it was all going to be okay. No matter what. Because he was there for her, and they would have to get through him to hurt her again...

So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving
Hold on to me and
Never let me go


((*dies* I want a guy like Mattie! *sniffs*))

[Charlotte Darcy]

She watched his reaction, and her own eyes dropped to the bench, and she just thought about it all. She did love him, she knew that. She had always loved him. Maybe even if it had previously just been a friendly, quiet care that was never voiced or realized, she had. Now it was obvious, though. Now their love was out in the open, and oh man… Sweet, happy feelings flew around her mind and body, tangling up with the despair and embarrassment from before, and making her feel, well…

Let’s just say that saying that it made her feel ‘better’ was around the biggest understatement of the century.

And it almost mad her sad again that Mattie was so shocked. She should have made how she felt obvious much more soon, that was for sure. No one should be made to feel that love wasn’t for them. No one should be made to give up on it completely, either. But now, even if love itself didn’t love Matt, she could honestly say with some pride that she did. More than anything she had ever dreamed of. More than anything she had ever imagined. And certainly more than she had ever thought.

Emerald listened to him speak, her tears close to slowing now, and her happy expression crumbled at his words. The poor guy… that was awful. But now he had found someone that wanted not only Matthew Hayden Jerrolds, but Matt the bartender too, and all the other bits of his personality that she was sure to learn about. He was just… an incredible person. And she wanted to see the person, not just the appearance like other girls did.

She suddenly found herself close to him. Thoughts rushed through her mind, but she was relieved to find that she was calmed and reassured by his touch, rather than repulsed by it as she was afraid she might feel after what Domitan MacKeltar had done to her.

She had thought a lot about that night when she had been by herself, with nothing else to do but go over what had happened and cry her eyes out. Her sadness and fear had moulded into anger on some occasions, and she had come to hate that man for what he had done. This frightened her a little in itself; after the anger she always cried some more, and thought about how much she wanted to hurt him back when she was in a rage. No one had ever hurt her as much in a week as he had in that one night. He made her sick, and she hated him with every bone in her body.

If Emerald had known that he was thinking about the day that they had met, she probably would have smiled too, despite herself. That had been a great day, that had. Not only had she met - not to mention been trapped underneath - her gorgeous Mattie, but she had met several other great folks, too. That waterfall had just been a place of fun, with loads of explosive and different personalities flying around, all of which seemed to fit together very nicely indeed.

Good times.

And there was no point in Matt worrying about her ever leaving him; that was as unlikely as pink pigs being able to fly across the sky- without magic. It was so good that he wasn’t afraid anymore. Now - once she had got her little secret out of the way, and all - they could be completely honest with each other, right? Of course. They loved one another. Oh man; that was so great for Emerald to think about.

She loved Matthew Jerrolds.

Emerald looked up as he spoke, and nodded, murmuring, “Yeah, I do. I love you.” His grin, as she had often noted before when she had seen it, was contagious, and she felt a smile spread onto her own face just at the sight of it. That, and the adorable thing he had just had to ‘break’ to her about him loving her more. “I think you’ll find I love you just as much,” she said with a sniff, as he kissed her nose. “I love you more than… all the stars in the sky.”

Then, she felt his lips against her, oh so softly and sweetly. She smiled against them, able to just forget all the other rubbish that was going on in her life in that moment. It was blissful to just go back to how she used to feel. “I know you do,” she whispered back. “And I know that I love you, too.” She looked into his eyes, just content to do so silently for now.

These plans… hm. This plans were surely going to be interesting if they made Matt grin like that, yes? When Emerald eventually found out about them, she was sure to be pleased.

She lay her head down on his shoulder when he pulled her closer yet again, and there was a pause. Yes, they had hurt her. He had hurt her, that professor. But the fact that Matt was sure to beat him into next week - or, at least, try to - was one of the reasons that she had held back the information. She was frightened that it would only make the situation worse. But still, the girl was going to have to get it out sometime, so now was as good a time as any.

Emerald shook her head, and said, “No, it wasn’t them.” She had taken ‘them’ to mean the Death Eaters, going on what had happened to Matt and his friends. She listened to him reassure her for a second before he kissed her head and pulled away. She sat up straight and took a deep breath, slightly shaky with tears that came to her eyes but didn’t spill over just yet. She was trying to be strong. This had to be said. It had to be.

“Mattie…” she started, blinking rapidly to keep the salty tears back. “MacKeltar… raped me. Before Christmas.” Was it before Christmas? She wasn’t even sure anymore. Just to be sure about the one who had done the deed, she added on the end, “Professor.” He would be sure to mix them up with Adam, otherwise.

{Me too. T_T}

[Matthew Jerrolds]

“Yeah, I do. I love you. I think you’ll find I love you just as much. I love you more than… all the stars in the sky.” He smiled as her words escaped her lips and fled to the safety of his ears, and he just grinned at her. He couldn't get over how happy she made him. He wanted her to be his forever. He'd been her first, but he wanted to be another first of hers, and hopefully last... He knew that he wanted to marry this beautiful girlfriend of his. Hmm. Charlotte Jerrolds didn't sound too bad, right? Right. And if anyone said otherwise, he would punch them if they were a guy. If they were a girl, well, he would just give them a few nasty looks and some lovely comments to remember him by before walking away and rolling his eyes, muttering about stupid people not knowing what they were talking about.

"Nope. I love you more. You can't possibly love me more, because I love you more. Didn't you know that? It just can't be done, sweetie. Sorry. But I win that little game..." He grinned at her and gently ran his fingers through her hair. "More than the stars? Well, I love you more than... Well, more than alcohol, or food, even." He laughed a little and said,"So beat that, hmm? Admit it. I win." He gently kissed her, enjoying this little game of who loves who more immensely. But he was going to win, because he loved her so much. Words just couldn't describe it... He loved every bit of her, every part of her. Even those nasty sides that came out sometimes, such as anger or something of that nature. He even loved those parts of her, because it was Emerald. It was his Emerald.

He loved her at her best and at her worst. He would love her just as much if she was in old gray sweatpants, one of his old t-shirts, and socks and had her hair pulled up into a messy ponytail clipped on the back of her head, spilling hair from it in every direction. He would even love her if she was wearing glasses and had no make-up on, reading a book on his bed or on a sofa. He would love her just as much then as he would if she were wearing a gorgeous dress at a ball with high heels, make-up, and her hair all fancy on her head with sparkling jewelry and such. If anything, he might love her even more in the sweatpants, because frankly, that would be more like his daily Emerald. His normal Emerald. The other one was just the privilege Emerald that he got for being a good boy...

“I know you do. And I know that I love you, too.” He smiled and said,"Yes. I do... I love you more than anything, Emerald Darcy, and I want everyone to know it." He grinned and said,"I think I'll make an announcement during dinner this evening... Yes. I will. Because I think everyone needs to know that I am taken by the most amazing girl that walks this earth, and that you are taken by the most amazing boy that walks this earth. So, you see, we are a perfect match, darling. Simply perfect. Exquisite. Extraordinary. We defy all of those who say that nothing is perfect, because we are together. We are the perfect couple, and anyone that argues I'll just have to take care of them..." He gave her a quick kiss before pulling away and just looking at her.

“No, it wasn’t them.” Now it was back to the talk. Oh yes. That one. The one that he dreaded but needed to know at the same time. He was patient, though, but her words caused relief to trickle through him. She hadn't been hurt by the Death Eaters. Good. Because otherwise, he might have just died or went completely mad. Both sounded like a likely thing to happen. But she didn't name what had happened, so he was not quick to become normal once more. He was still highly worried as to what had hurt his Emerald. Who had hurt his girlfriend? They were going to pay, they were. Oh yes. He would hurt them if they tried it again. And hey, karma is one witchy lady. She just loved to give everyone what they deserved, and whatever they had done, they were going to receive back sevenfold.

“Mattie…” He looked at her when she whispered his name, seeing the tears in her eyes. Oh man, what had they done to her? And who had done whatever this was to her? He had to know. Then she continued, and he listened to every word. “MacKeltar… raped me. Before Christmas.” His blue eyes widened in complete and utter shock, refusing to believe it. Adam?! No! He wouldn't do something like that! Never! Besides, Adam had been there for Christmas. He had even spent most of his time at the bar with him... But she didn't give a date. Adam wouldn't do that, though... would he? He stared at her, searching her eyes, wanting to believe it wasn't true. One of his best friends... No. It just... It couldn't be him. He refused to believe it... But would his girlfriend lie about that? No... He was confused.

“Professor.” He looked at her, and he couldn't help breathing a slight sigh of relief. He quickly realized how that might sound and hurriedly said,"I thought you meant Adam... You scared me... But..." He took a shaky breath and said,"Professor MacKeltar?! Why didn't you tell me? Em, this isn't your fault, and though I understand why you hesitated, I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere, okay? God, I could have been there for you! I... Is this why you were... avoiding me?" He stared at her, shocked and disgusted, though with the professor not her. "Please... Em... don't hide these things from me... Because it hurts to think you couldn't tell your own boyfriend... And we could do something about it!" He pulled her close and whispered,"I'm sorry... But I just want you to be okay..."

[Charlotte Darcy]

Emerald had just looked up at him in the little silence after her words, where he just grinned down at her. She knew that she wasn’t going to get anywhere if she kept saying that she loved him more, because he wasn’t going to give up. And neither was she, because now that she had gotten into it, she was realizing just how much she did, and she wanted to tell him some of it.

Marriage? Holy crap. Emerald hadn’t even thought of that yet. Heck, the girl couldn’t think of anything - excluding Matt - at all, through all the feelings she was having right now. But marriage… you certainly couldn’t say that Matt did things halfway, and that was for sure.

She gazed up at him as if he were something amazing, which, to her, he was, and drank in every word he said like she had been doing previously. This time, though, she pouted at the later words that claimed how he won this game, and let out an exaggerated gasp at him saying that he loved her more than alcohol. Oh, really now? He kissed her, and she murmured jokingly against his lips, “No you don’t.” She laughed weakly. “You don’t get to win in this relationship, especially not at this game.”

Pulling away a little, she put her head on his shoulder again and whispered, “Because I love you so much that it hurts. But I don’t want it to stop, because it’s a good kind of hurt.” There was a pause, in which the Fina appeared to be thinking. “A good kind of hurt like when… you fall down the stairs on Christmas day. Or you crash your new broom into a tree. Or…” She fell silent again, and kissed him on the lips before going on. “Or when you have sex for the first time. It’s a good kind of hurt because you know that things will get even better, even though you feel pretty fantastic already.”

And then, looking into his eyes, she murmured, “Beat that.”

It was a damn good job that Matt loved Emerald on her sweatpants days, because, it was embarrassing - for her - but true, she would practically live in his clothes on the weekends when they’d been together all night (yes, insert wiggling eyebrows here if you wish). On the lazy days, that is, when she‘d stay in all day- these came pretty often. Poor Matt would be soon wondering where some of his t-shirts had gone.

Emerald couldn’t help but grin at the next thing he said. “Okay, then. But I think it’s only fair that I get to decide whether you are the perfect boy or not.” She smiled, and there was a small silence. Then she said, “You are. You are the most perfect being in the whole, wide world.” She smiled still, adding, “Even more perfect than me, I’ll definitely give you that one.” Then he cut off her words with a little kiss, which she responded to immediately before he pulled away.

And then they went back onto the uncomfortable subject of the talk again. The Fina watched her boyfriend’s reaction as he processed the information somewhat incorrectly, and got the wrong MacKeltar. She had expected this, which was why she added on the ‘professor’ part a couple of seconds later, but his sigh of relief stabbed at her slightly. For a moment, she didn’t think he was going to mention what had happened to her at all, but he recovered quickly and went on. Emerald felt herself getting more and more emotional with each of his words.

“No, you couldn’t have been there.” A couple of tears leaked out of her eyes like they had been coming out before. “I should have been there for you.” She shook her head sadly. “I didn’t mean to avoid you. I was just… so ashamed about it, you know?” Feeling guilty that she had made him hurt even more now, Emerald sniffed as he pulled her closer and said, “No, I’m sorry.” More tears trickled out. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like that at all. I’m so sorry. I’ve been such a…” She struggled for words. “Such a selfish, thoughtless bitch.” Thoughts of him saying that they could do something about it, and she shook her head again. “We can’t do anything. It’s done now.”